My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
