Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
