i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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