I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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