help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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