remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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