There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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