If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
