I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
