he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
