Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
