Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
