Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
