Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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