It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
