If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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