just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
