Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
