and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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