He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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