dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
My ATM looks so different sober.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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