I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Too much gin, very little bucket
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
