OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
