so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
