I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
