Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
