Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
