You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
