Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
