not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
