96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
