You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
