note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
