i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
