Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
