Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
