How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
