His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
