I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
So vagazzling was a success
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
