Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
