Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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