Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
