i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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