before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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