My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
