dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
