I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
