thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
