3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
