i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
