but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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