so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
