What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
We are all done wearing pants today
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
