Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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